Feelings

I used to compare myself to others.. Envy them.. Without knowing their journeys or how they got there.
It’s easy to wish you had someone else’s life.. But then it’s also easy to assume that theirs is better than yours because you only see what they show you.
I’m pretty hard on myself – and with good reason.
I think about how others would think and feel before I think of how an action that I have made will affect me. I hate causing hate and pain to others through my actions – whether it is something done consciously or unconsciously.

Yesterday I had lunch with a group of people. I arrived a little late because I was waiting for another girl as she didn’t know where she was going. We got there and took our seats at the end of the table. Before we finished removing our jackets I noticed one of them looking at me funny. I asked what was wrong and their response floored me.
“Nothing.. Just more people.”
I was speechless. At that moment I wanted to get up and leave again. For the whole lunch we were excluded from the discussion – possibly not purposefully – but I don’t know. One of the girls at the other end of the table saw this and came and spoke to us so we didn’t feel left out any more than we already did.

It’s hard to say why some people act the way they do. I can only be responsible for how I make others feel.
I sometimes wish that I could rewind certain things and do them differently.. But I can’t. Not yet. Maybe.. Soon.

~ by originalapplejunkie on January 13, 2014.