Day 165..#Don’t Give Up..

http://www.keepcalmstudio.com

You know when you just need to lie down..

Like..allow your body to fully relax..not sleep..but relax?

I had one of those moments today..If my body could speak..it would probably cry..lol!

My day started off bright and early with some revision for tomorrow’s exam..then my study buddy and I met up with another friend to have lunch..then we had cherries for dessert 😛
It had been a productive day all in all.

I knew that upon my return home, I would have to continue my revision for my Friday exam..and knowing that just made me tired.

Then my parents called on Skype and asked me how I was doing..I responded “Not good..I can’t be bothered with this any more..I’m tired..”

My parents listened to me..their faces somewhat disbelieving what was coming from my mouth.

“I never had you down as a quitter” my dad said..”Do what you need to do..and do it as best as you can and God will do the rest..”

I could hear what he was saying..but I wasn’t listening..

That little doubting voice was loud and clear..telling me to give up..I refused to oblige..even though I was near enough coming dangerously close.

I had become frustrated with myself..and my parents could tell..everything they were saying made sense..but it also made me annoyed at the same time that they weren’t being “sensitive”..could they not see that I was tired?!

We ended the conversation by my dad telling me that I need to do what I came here to do..and in the end when it’s all over..I can look back and laugh at it all (plus have the qualifications to prove it!)

Sure enough that would be the case..but at the time it didn’t feel that way.

 

I opened some files and proceeded to begin studying. I made it through one and a half PowerPoint presentations before I felt like I needed to lie down. I just needed to be still. Needed to rest my brain from the constant barrage of information I was imposing on it.

I lay in bed. It was 18:33.

“At 19:15, I’ll get up again” I told myself.

19:15 came and went and I lay there..still..listening to the sound of my thoughts.

I was feeling overwhelmed again..started questioning why I came out here in the first place..just doubting myself.

“You can do this.”

Huh, I thought..What?

“You are stronger than you look”

“You are the head and not the tail”..

“You have a purpose..and for everything there is a reason..”

I was hearing myself thinking these things..but in comparison to the negativity I was thinking..my self-belief and reassurance was dangerously quiet.

“Yes..” I told myself rather sheepishly..

I started to think about getting out of bed..I had work to do and I would not get it done laying there listening to whatever it was that was happening in my mind..

20:00. I climbed out of bed and jumped back onto my computer. It took me about 15 minutes to get back into the swing of things, and by 22:00 I had finished all I needed to read for my Friday exam.

In the midst of it all I realised that I can’t expect to do well if I don’t put in the work.

As tiring as it is..and as out of routine I am..I came here knowing that it would be different and welcoming the change.

No one said it would be easy after all..

Plus routines are bad for me anyway. I get comfortable and the only reason I am uncomfortable is because I am not in my comfort zone.

So, with the 3 exams I have left, I am going to stop making excuses, accept that life is what it is and regardless of what I expect..God probably has something else planned for me..and I so need to remember this!

 

I need to stop beating myself up over things I can change and just shut up and get to working!

In the wise words of my father..”Just do your part, and God will do the rest..”

Here’s to doing my part!

~ by originalapplejunkie on June 13, 2012.