Day 133..#I am not what you think of me

Why should I be defined because of how you perceive me?

“Judge not, lest ye be judged” is a phrase that comes to mind.

I convinced myself that somehow I was too much and at the same time not enough,

But what I didn’t realise was that I was imagining I was she.

Her.

You.

It was you, who painted a picture of roses,

That instead hid the you that was destruction, lies and self-hatred.

I used to be like you.

Well..not really like like you..but like you.

Funny, as my mind tries to maintain the focus of the blur that is currently my life..

Suddenly, everything just comes into focus.

No longer am I captivated by the idea of you,

But the idea of me.

It’s like I’m looking at myself from the outside in,

Praying that when I “grow up”..I don’t want to be like you.

I am not what you think of me..

And what you think of me is not important.

I am what I answer to and what I chose to hear about myself.

I have to justify myself to you no longer,

And that fact..That I no longer depend on you..Only makes you cling tighter to what you believe still exists within..But is dead.

Your eyes only see what they think I am through your eyes.

My eyes see different.

 

© May 2012

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~ by originalapplejunkie on May 12, 2012.

8 Responses to “Day 133..#I am not what you think of me”

  1. This is really deep, Apple! Beautiful writing!!

  2. :O AJ!! I’m loving this! Beautifully written. I’m going back to read it again now actually 🙂

    • Thanks Scott!
      I realise it may have several different meanings to several different people..but yesterday..I needed to just let it out..so I wrote that..it felt good..I can’t remember the last time I wrote a piece..

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