Day 121..#I’m Working on it..

I actually had the most horrible day and kind of a rough weekend.

Today started off okay..then I got sad when I started discussing something with a friend..then that sadness turned into anger and anger almost into rage.

Lol. I laugh now. I was not laughing then.

Please feel free to smile at this point.

Lol.

*Also K..yes YOU..lol..I apologise for not being the most social and slightly depressing person today..it will not happen again πŸ˜›*

Anyway..I spoke to a friend of mine on the phone about why I was so mad, sad and bummed (It was a combination of things..loool..as I type this and think back on my day..this is all rather amusing now)..and he pretty much said to me..”Well. You’ve been bummed before you are still kicking! πŸ™‚ So you know you will be okay:)”

That madeΒ me smile because it was true..but I was still annoyed.

Okay..now too frequently I’ve been mad for no reason and by myself have created bad days..and it’s something that became more frequent as I started doing or not doing certain things.

I’m not home..so this time it wasn’t as easy as switching on my iTunes and pumping up some Israel Houghton (which would have probably ended with me jumping up and down on my bed probably playing the air drums *yes..I think I made that up* or air guitar *that’s real..lol*)..so I ended up telling myself no!

Now to give you guys a vision of what I was doing..I was sitting in a computer room..staring intently at a blank screen..mentally telling myself to snap out of the funk I was in because I was starting to annoy myself.

I looked to my left and a guy was staring at me. I smiled at him. He looked back at his computer then looked back at me and he gave me a thumbs up. I smiled again.

Yeah. He probably thinks I’m crazy. Lol..I can deal!

But anyway..these moods that I’ve been in recently are so annoying and depressing that even I don’t want to be around me..and I have seriously been wondering to myself when I became so sensitive!

Image Courtesy of anandamarga.org

I’m still at school..I feel great..a little bit hungry..but good nonetheless.

I refuse to give into this depressive funk that is trying to drag me under. I’m not doing it. I refuse. This is not the time and I am *not* that person anymore..I *refuse* to be that person again!

I’m dealing with these anger issues one day at a time..and I feel like I’m getting somewhere. The key is to note something that gets to you then let it go. The more you hold onto those thoughts and feelings..the more it bubbles and turns into something very unpleasant..like I said..I’m working on it! πŸ˜›

Now, I’ve got to finish my work and get home!

~ by originalapplejunkie on April 30, 2012.

21 Responses to “Day 121..#I’m Working on it..”

  1. “The key is to note something that gets to you then let it go. The more you hold onto those thoughts and feelings..the more it bubbles and turns into something very unpleasant…”

    It took me forever to figure out that one thing. It’s always a work in progress. You know what, though? Life would kind of suck if we didn’t have something about us that forced us to reflect upon ourselves.

    Very well said.

    • Thanks πŸ™‚
      And the funny thing is that even though I know that..and I can *see* it happening..that unpleasantness..I find it even harder to get back..and then it becomes a battle between wanting to let go and wanting to remain angry.
      Seriously..Its hard being mad all the time and it’s also hard work if you are just used to reacting a certain way..but I’m working on it..
      But you are right. Life would suck if we weren’t forced to reflect and learn from past behaviours and experiences..

  2. A 5 minute meditation helps in those moments, I believe. Hope things got better for you πŸ™‚

  3. i hate days like that when i have them, and sometimes i just want to continue it by bickering. i don’t know what puts me in these moods. sometimes i blame it on hormones. lol

  4. Hmmm, I think that is inherent for women. You know, hormones. My doctor once said, if feel like reaching out and plucking someones eye out, then throwing it across the room, it’s probably hormones. This made me laugh, and from then on, when I was feeling that way for no apparent reason, or for something minor, I’d realize it was hormones. Unfortunately, it didn’t change that feeling…extreme exercise is the only thing that has every helped that with me (my preferred form is jogging a long distance). Anyway, don’t know if that helps, but I hope you feel better soon! THis too shall pass…(stayed tuned, future installments of what teenage boys think of this! πŸ™‚ )

    • I can’t wait to hear what they have to say! ha ha
      But yeah..Terry said the same..hormones..it may be something like that..but I kind of think it’s more spiritual..something inherent..it has improved since I was younger..because back then I would just kick and scream and break things and create holes in things when something upset me..now I just get dangerously quiet and keep it all inside which is why sometimes things just end up exploding..plus my dad always told me when he was growing up..he used to be a pretty angry kid too..but he grew out of it..so he was very patient with me I guess..

  5. We all have mood swings…especially women. We have a ton more hormones and a candy bar can swing me into Ecstasy and a sad commercial can swing me all the way the other way, into depression. But, I would rather feel too much, than too little. I’m glad your day ended on a happy note, Apple!

    • I’m glad it did too!
      Being angry all the time is so physically draining I’m usually so tired at the end of the day!
      Maybe it is hormones..well..that could be contributing to it anyway πŸ™‚
      P.S. How do you control that? Is it possible?

      • I once studied every thing I could find out about hormones, and really, a lot of it can be handled with diet and exercise…But, because we are all so different, it is more of a trial and error process. First, I would get rid of caffeine. Go without it a few days and see how you feel. I love coke, coffee, tea…all sorts of things with caffiene in them. When I started cutting back on how much I was taking in, I did see a difference in my mood swings. It has been so long since I studied all that, I don’t know what scientists today are saying about it, but it would probably be worth your while to check it out! Love you, Apple!!

      • That’s an idea to start looking into it..I do exercise frequently and don’t do caffeine at all..I don’t drink coffee (I’ve only ever tried it twice..hated it both times..lol)..I don’t drink fizzy drinks..I rarely drink tea (I usually drink lemon or peppermint tea when back home..but haven’t since being here!)..and all my crazy allergies kinda keep me away from other things lol! But I’m definitely going to have a look into it later on and see what I can come up with!
        ❀ you too! You're awesome!

      • So are you!!

  6. We all have those days! The good thing is that you turned it around. Sadly, many people live everyday like that πŸ™‚

    You should definitely start drinking coffee though πŸ™‚

    • I know..a lot of people live like that everyday..and it’s certainly not healthy!
      I don’t think I’ll start the coffee drinking..its one of the most horrible things I’ve ever tasted! lool..it’s so yucky!

  7. Sorry to hear about your day! But what a blessing that you recognize when things “aren’t right” and endeavor to do something about it.

    I”m not a doctor (and I don’t play one on t.v. *smile*) but I do wonder if any of the meds you’ve been taking since the dentist have an affect on your emotions?

    I’ll lift up a little prayer for you tonight! Can’t have the “happy apple junkie” getting angry every day! πŸ™‚

    • Lol..does that mean that you *do* play one on tv? Were you hinting that? loool..hmmm..

      I never thought the medicine could be affecting my mood..but to be fair on it..I stopped taking it last week Friday..lol..trying to get out of my system maybe..hmm..lol
      But I’ve been in a good mood since I wasn’t on Sunday..so things are looking up..
      It also may be due to the fact that I haven’t had any apple juice at all for like a month! I know! SO LONG!
      Only because I’ve been getting really dehydrated..so I’ve been purely drinking water for that time..and still am..to try and clense and refresh my system and make me feel better during the days. It’s not a joke when I say that apple juice makes me hyperactive..my mother sometimes doesn’t let me have it because I end up bouncing off the walls..so I hide it in my room *shhh..don’t tell her she doesn’t know*..apple juice is my caffeine..it makes me happy πŸ˜€

      • well apple juice is a much healthier “caffeine” for sure! πŸ™‚ And my doc reference was for an old tylenol commercial that used to run here in the states. It featured an actor who played a doctor on t.v. & recommended tylenol, even though he wasn’t a real doc. πŸ™‚

      • ha ha..can’t people get in trouble for that? lool

  8. This is just how I was feeling last week… A friend confessed something to me which ended up deeply troubling me. The following day (I was partly hung over/partly sleep deprived, if I’m being honest – therefore all of my feelings were heightened!) I was really upset about it. I was close to crying because I was scared, upset and angry… One of the most annoying things about the situation was that my friend kept saying “please don’t judge me, you’re judging me, aren’t you?” I wasn’t judging her. Gave no indication that I might be judging her. Yet her way of overcoming her own shame was to make me feel bad… Not good.

    I’m glad that you had the smiling moment with that guy in the library. I think it’s so important to connect with those around you, even if you don’t know one another and even if they do just think you’re weird – that just makes me even more amused!

    Here’s to a good day today! πŸ™‚

    • Thank you..news like that always throws you off balance..no matter how much you are or are not expecting it..but what can we do..
      I think it is also important to connect with people..random people is always much better than those you know..because with me..if it’s people I know..they can somehow annoy me more..if its someone random..they’ll see you for a moment..and go back to what they were doing..probably laughing on the inside but it doesn’t really matter..somehow it’s better..
      I did have some more to say..but I completely lost my train of thought when I started thinking about cake..*sigh*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: