Why Am I Still Here?

I’ve always said that in my case…I think way too much than I should…then that thinking becomes erratic and crazy and I start to think what if? and how come? and really?! and begin making scenario’s up in my head..

*#up above my head..I hear music in the air…up above my head there’s a melody so bright and fair I can hear…when I’m all alone…even in those times when I feel all hope is gone…up above my head I hear joybells ringing…up above my head…I hear angels singing..there must be a God somewhere…there must be a God somewhere…#*

Music..recently its been a lot of Lauryn Hill, Jill Scott and Stacie O…I don’t understand why music has such a crazy pull on me emotionally…I can get lost in it and its like…hours would go by and I’m still in that same place…just..you know…thinking.

#Love rain down on me..On me..Down on me..#

The post is entitled “Why Am I Still Here?” because I’m sure this is something I’ve been through already…you know…thinking you’ve accomplished or achieved something in yourself only to find that you are back at zero and when you thought you’d addressed those issues when in fact you were so far off the mark you fell into oblivion, oblivious to the fact you were still falling..

For all of ya’ll that don’t know *and yep this is my “official” blog announcement*..I’m moving to Portugal for a year in August.
When I say I never envisioned my life to include working/studying in Portugal would be an understatement. When I was about 14 or 15 *I can’t remember what age it was…but it was around that time* I’d written myself out a list and planned my life up until the age of 25…I know…who does that??! But yeah..I’d planned what I was going to do with my life…what I was going to be, the stage in my profession I was going to be at…my education…everything.

But last week I realised something extremely funny.
I was sitting in the Y&C Building of my Church watching the Cherish 2011 Conference and Paul Scanlon says “If you want to make God laugh, just tell Him what you’ve got planned!”

And at that moment…something clicked…Why Am I Here? How did I get to this place…it wasn’t in my plan…I didn’t envision being where I am today, having gone thru all that I’ve been through these past 3 years…then I realised God’s got something different for me than I had planned for myself…all these things I’m doing and places that I’m going to and people that I come into contact with haven’t happened by accident. but He’s orchestrated these things…every single one of these things..

So yeah…Maybe I should have entitled this post “Why Am I Here?”…I don’t know…but what I do know is that I’ve got some exciting times ahead & you will all be kept updated..I may even begin doing vlogs..*you know…video logs*..

But for now I think it’s way past my bedtime…

But before I go I wana just leave you with a little message…
“Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs. This state of mind is not common, but it is essential for right thinking..” ~ Tolstoy

I dare you to be freethinkers…I dare you to love unconditionally, I dare you to take risks…..I dare you to be YOU..

Accept the dare..


~ by originalapplejunkie on June 8, 2011.

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