Day 158..#My Apology..
First and foremost, I would like to apologise to all of you!
This period (however long it has been..seems like it’s spanned for aaaages) has been a rough one for me..and I know, we all have rough and tumble days..but it’s how you deal with them that speaks of the kind of person you are I’ve always thought.
So, instead of dealing with things, I found myself reverting back to what I used to do. Run. Ignore. Pretend the problem/issue wasn’t there and miraculously hoped that it “faded away.”
No such luck unfortunately.
Every day I found was worst than the next and I felt myself just regressing into this weird “shell” of a person.
I still tried to be happy and smiley..but more often-times than not, I would just be angry for no reason..or annoyed..frustrated..impatient. It was not like me at all..I had to get it all out of my system..but I was at a loss as to how I would do that.
I had no drive.
I felt the need to study and I also felt the need to do nothing at the same time. I chose the latter..I’d stay in my room..not studying like I should be but surfing the internet..or sleeping..things that when I look at now..I can’t even explain why..
Two nights or so ago..A friend talked me into going for some dinner. Just round the corner from where I lived..we went and sat down I started talking.
Everything came out. There were tears..there was laughter..disbelief..shock..but most of all relief.
I think..with so much just sitting on me..in my mind..the studying..the issues I’d been dealing with..everything had come to a head and I didn’t feel like I was strong enough to deal with it on my own.
I completely forgot I wasn’t on my own.
In that moment, that everything is just so overwhelming..you cry, you are fed up and you give up. But you don’t have to..I didn’t have to..God is here..He’s always here..and He never leaves.
After talking to my friend about everything that was happening in my head..I wrote a lot of things down and realised..as I often do after the fact..that God puts us and places us in situations where we need to call on Him to help and not think we can do everything on our own.
I always say this and as I do usually always forget in times of trouble that: “God never gives us more than we can bear..”
Now as you guys are, I am also human..please forgive me for neglecting you this week.
Music has been helpful to me..but it’s when you turn off the music and your thoughts take over the silence that you realise that you are hiding..running from yourself..
I am on the mend. I had a good day today..(aside from the crazy birds nest that became my hair..but that’s an issue for another day!) I even finished the studying that I was supposed to do and quite proudly gave myself a pat on my back for my efforts..
I made myself lunch..then dinner..part washing my hair in-between..and now I have to get back to finishing that!
I hope you have all had a wonderful day..
The only way I can really go now (again!) is up I guess!
Ooh..And I just want to say thanks again to my friend (he knows who he is) for sitting with me and just listening. You have no idea how much I appreciate it..You are phenomenal (even though I know you will probably disagree!)
- Psalm 92 (asorensen.wordpress.com)
- Getting Away With God: TOYS Linkup and Guest Post by Paula Wiseman (journeytoepiphany.com)
- Stalked by Goodness (darylw1984.wordpress.com)
- Psalms (harvestworkersdoor.wordpress.com)
- Thirsty in a Land with No Water (myheartsmission.com)
- Wait (shilohtemplecogic.wordpress.com)
- Why God loves outer beauty, too (emilyharrod.wordpress.com)